Your last sentence rings so true. I'm in sort of a similar state - I woke up New Year's Day realizing how unhappy I was in MA + 1,000 miles from everyone I know/love. Now: If I'm not at work, I am in bed, watching Netflix (similarly, watching 'Intervention.')
Grocery shopping is a little out of the question - that means driving 10 mins to a place the size of Muncie and just as many people + busy.
The only time I am not inside is when I'm getting frozen pizzas + chips at the convenience store, picking up some chinese at the place a few blocks away, or getting tattoos.
The joy for things is just...gone. No fervor. Maybe it's the cold, maybe it's the distance.
It's strange, because we know it's up to us to make things better (hence the need to "change the condition"), but we don't believe in ourselves enough to make that step.
Funny, that second to last paragraph where you wrote about taking a pill that would give you the desire to do things--I always saw you as a person who did those things. You've lived in lots of different places, have worked different jobs, and have known lots of different people. Reading your comics and listening to your songs, I've always thought of you as being a very social and "out and about" type of individual.
...Except for the time when you refused to get a drink with me at the gay bar when we played together in Michigan. But still, you've always had lots of stories and experiences to share through your art. You're fine.
And don't forget about those movies I told you to watch. Also, I listened to your new album online. It's good, but I'm looking forward to your new record. Sheesh...if I only had your drive and ability.
I hope you have to read these. My dear, I hope you are better. I don't know how you are being that it has been months from this last post. Please don't listen to Joe, ever. Take care of yourself. You will recover. I did as well. I have a mental illness, but I am doing fine now. I wish you the best.
Chad,
ReplyDeleteYour last sentence rings so true. I'm in sort of a similar state - I woke up New Year's Day realizing how unhappy I was in MA + 1,000 miles from everyone I know/love. Now: If I'm not at work, I am in bed, watching Netflix (similarly, watching 'Intervention.')
Grocery shopping is a little out of the question - that means driving 10 mins to a place the size of Muncie and just as many people + busy.
The only time I am not inside is when I'm getting frozen pizzas + chips at the convenience store, picking up some chinese at the place a few blocks away, or getting tattoos.
The joy for things is just...gone. No fervor. Maybe it's the cold, maybe it's the distance.
It's strange, because we know it's up to us to make things better (hence the need to "change the condition"), but we don't believe in ourselves enough to make that step.
Funny, that second to last paragraph where you wrote about taking a pill that would give you the desire to do things--I always saw you as a person who did those things. You've lived in lots of different places, have worked different jobs, and have known lots of different people. Reading your comics and listening to your songs, I've always thought of you as being a very social and "out and about" type of individual.
ReplyDelete...Except for the time when you refused to get a drink with me at the gay bar when we played together in Michigan. But still, you've always had lots of stories and experiences to share through your art. You're fine.
And don't forget about those movies I told you to watch. Also, I listened to your new album online. It's good, but I'm looking forward to your new record. Sheesh...if I only had your drive and ability.
ReplyDelete...you fucking baby.
ReplyDeleteChad,
ReplyDeleteI hope you have to read these. My dear, I hope you are better. I don't know how you are being that it has been months from this last post. Please don't listen to Joe, ever. Take care of yourself. You will recover. I did as well. I have a mental illness, but I am doing fine now. I wish you the best.
Sincerely,
Waverly