30th Birthday

The night before I turned 16 my girlfriend and I did my favorite thing to do. She drove us to West Field, IN (about 30 miles away), which was a big deal to Kokomo people. We went to Goodwill and then we ate at White Castle. That's it. I bought a couple shirts, ate 4 sliders w/cheese, drank a red cream soda, and we went back to Kokomo. About 6am I woke up and barfed. I puked red grease and steamed meat chunks all morning of my sweet 16.
Turning 18 was cool, they had a surprise birthday party for me and my favorite band BLACKSHEEP played and let me be the lead singer. 19, my parents were on vacation, everyone came over, ate my pizza, and left. 20, I was in college and no one knew it was my birthday. 21, I was in Muncie and everyone was at my house celebrating Jon "Crafty" Rogers' birthday because his is the day before mine.
Jump to a few days ago, the night before I turned 30. I was driving back to Bloomington by myself from the north side of Indianapolis where we had band practice. I was drinking coffee and feeling the cold outside and listening to nostalgic music and taking in deep breaths of life. I couldn't help to think about all my past birthdays; at Mcdonalds as a kid, having a group of my soccer buddies over when I was 12 to watch The Pit and the Pendulum, sleeping in a tent in the back yard, and all of the depressing birthdays when I was all alone.
I couldn't help to think about all the goals I set for myself in my early 20s. I was going to have accomplished SO MUCH by the time I was 30: publish graphic novels, be on a big music label and tour the world by myself, own a recording studio and an old house... I wasn't worried about what job I was gonna have or what career I needed to pursue, I didn't need to go to college or learn a trade, because I was going to be a successful artist. I worked harder than ANYONE to be just that. But a slow series of rejections and failures kept me right where I started; just a guy in his room, with shoe boxes of recordings, and binders of graphic novels, working his butt off, beating his head against the wall.
As I was driving home, I felt a little hungry and thought about what to eat, when a great idea came to me. I went to White Castle. And so, as the clock struck 12, October 25th 2011, I sat in my car, by myself, in the parking lot of Kroger in Bloomington, Indiana, eating 4 White Castle sliders w/cheese, feeling depressed and defeated.
Why Kroger parking lot, you ask? Well, after purchasing the sliders I remembered that I had recently ate the last Tums the night before and KNEW that if I were to eat 4 White Castle Sliders that I would have the world's worst acid reflux all night because I can't eat after 9 anymore without being miserable, so I drove to Kroger to get more Tums.
I don't know. Maybe we'll say this is a new beginning. Set my goals for 40. My drive for success has not slowed down in the slightest. To prove it, I saved up money all year so I could quit my job, move to a more artistic culture, and work on art full time for as long as I can. I'm 30, and this is all I care about?? COME ON!
Anyway, I kept the food down this time. Maybe it's a sign.